oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
