I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
