i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
