in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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