I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
