the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
