you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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