I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
