I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
