I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
