I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
