hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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