May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
