good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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