Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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