wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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