my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
