Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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