he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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