idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
