Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
