I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
