For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
