do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She bit a glass in half.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
