I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
