just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
