Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
