I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
