i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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