Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
