you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
