Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
