We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
