Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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