If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He kissed a someone with a penis
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
