Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Enjoy the penises
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
