Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
