Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
