I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
