I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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