Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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