oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
