My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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