We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
