The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
