Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
