God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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