her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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