it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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