yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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