I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
