i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
