My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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