And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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