Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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