well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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