just come out here and I will go home with you...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
