Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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